Home About Me Relationship Counselling Ethics Coming to See Me

"Go!! If you have an open mind and want to help your relationship, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain."

"I enjoyed and appreciated the whole experience."

"A great reinforcement to our relationship."

"Our relationship had hit a 'rut' and visiting Kate helped us to assess ourselves and make much needed changes to our relationship and family."


  • "The word 'Life saver' comes to mind but more like 'Relationship Saver'. It was the complete opposite than what I expected.
    I was scared of someone siding with my partner and telling me how crap I was.
    It was not like that at all. I just think it is a priceless experience."


"It was non judging or blaming and I was able to ease into talking openly."


"You guided our relationship back from the brink of disaster."

MY ROLE

Relationship counselling provides a safe, confidential space in which to stand back from day-to-day struggles and difficulties, taking time out to talk to each other kindly and openly, listen to each other respectfully and generously, and find fresh viewpoints, ideas and solutions. I will assist both of you to talk productively about your relationship without getting stuck in old patterns of communication or overwhelmed by blame, accusation or self-defence.

The goal of all relationships is to be happy together, so we will focus on two things - decreasing negatives in your relationship (eradicating what is causing harm), and increasing positives (introducing or enhancing what strengthens it).

Creating and maintaining a good relationship is often more straightforward than couples expect. Feedback I get is hugely positive, and indicates that couples find it much easier to talk in counselling with the support, guidance and safety of the counsellor's presence, rather than at home, where old patterns tend to take both partners down familiar (and often unproductive) paths.

My job is to help you explore your differences, solve your problems and find a new, positive direction for the future.

SOME COMMON THEMES

All relationships experience changes over time - the inevitable fading of early romance, the mature relationship that may or may not include parenting, the "empty nest" when children leave home, later years and retirement. Negotiating each transition means sustaining the relationship in a way that leaves love intact.

Modern relationships are generally different from the more traditional ones of our parents or grandparents, and have different challenges. These include - having more than one relationship over a lifetime, living in a blended family, greater freedom to choose who follows a career path, the sharing in childcare, cooking or housework, who makes the family decisions.

These relationship practices will generally require better skills in communicating and in negotiating roles and expectations. A common theme is a difficulty in resolving differences of opinion. In fact it's usual to have some conflict in a relationship, since each person will have his or her own ideas about what is "normal" or "desirable" in life. These ideas may come from upbringing, beliefs, reading etc. Learning to resolve differences in a positive way strengthens a relationship.

Communication is inevitably important in a relationship because this is how we share our thinking and feeling. The ability to express oneself clearly and to listen to another person with an open mind and heart can be a challenge when we disagree with each other, but communicating well is important in finding solutions to problems and differences.

People often say they feel that love has somehow got lost along the way. Or each person may say they love the other, but the other person doesn't feel loved. Sometimes people describe this as feeling lonely, despite being in a relationship. Love always needs to be visible in a relationship. Each person must not only be loved but feel loved for a relationship to succeed.

The issue of trust sometimes comes up in counselling. A relationship may have sustained damage, perhaps a betrayal of some kind, that has brought the relationship to a crisis point. Whilst occasionally such a crisis may result in one person deciding to end the relationship, more often the crisis can be used to carefully examine what has happened, express and hear feelings, and create a stronger, healthier, happier relationship for the future.

Finding time to be together seems to come up in counselling surprisingly often. Many couples say they have lost touch with each other because they no longer have the time to be together in a way that is meaningful, and that their relationship has become domestic and practical - more like flatmates than lovers - so ways to re-connect with each other must be found.